Why blogs are boring.
Have you ever noticed that most blogs are boring? So boring they make you look for bricks to pound upside your own head to forget the words you just read? Yeah, me too. Even my own blogs do that to me sometimes, and I love me! (Blame the self-esteem movement. They created a generation of worthless people who were all told that they were the best before they had ever accomplished anything. This guy here is sometimes the product of that. At least I had my parents to knock me down a peg, a lot of kids didn’t and they really got hit hard when the real world arrived.) I’ve gotten off point. Oh, yes - why are blogs boring? I think I know why. When you get a media blog, your hands are somewhat tied. I’ll now tell you why - complete with attempts at being funny!
When I got a newspaper blog, I thought, “This is just like my days in radio. I can tell the public what I think about everything. I can tell them what I think is great and what I think isn’t so great.” Then I realized the parameters.
When you have a newspaper blog, it’s like a megaphone. Unfortunately, everybody else doesn’t have access to a megaphone. So if, for example, a certain convenience store clerk in Hampstead is always mean to me, it’s not fair for me to write a blog about how she’s a bad bad bad lady. Why? Because she doesn’t have access to the same sized megaphone (this newspaper blog) that I do to refute what I said. It would be completeley unfair for me to write bad things about her, when she can’t respond to the same sized audience. And yes, there is a convenience store lady in a nearby town, not Hampstead, that I want to write bad things about. Of course, I finally did the logical thing and just quit going to that store. Either way, it’s not fair for a public writer to go after private citizens, so you evil convenience store clerks are safe.
I also have a lot of good stories about my family that I would love to write about in this blog. Unfortunately, what I see as hilarious character traits that everyone should hear about, my family sees as shameful mental disorders that nobody should hear about. So I can’t write about most of the colorful antics of the Withers family. And since this blog is on the internet, they would know what I wrote even though they live 200 miles away. Two decades ago, I could’ve gotten away with a column about my wacky family who lives too far away to pick up the paper and find out what I had written.
I also can’t write blogs about my roommates. Why? Because my bedroom doesn’t have door lock and if I said the wrong thing, one of those girls could come into my room and stab me in my sleep. I don’t think they are murderers, but you never know.
I would love to write funny stories about ex-girlfriends. But that would be a bad idea, too. Why? Because many of those poor souls also work in media. The reason I don’t write about them is for the exact opposite reason I don’t write about private citizens. You see, many of my ex-girlfriends work at radio station, tv stations, marketing firms and print publications. So instead of having no access to an equal sized megaphone as me, many of them have access to even larger methods of mass communication. They have microphones, news cameras, and even billboards. So if I wrote something about one of them on my little blog, they could write something even worse about me on a huge advertisement on I-40 for all to see. So I’m gonna leave them alone, too.
So now you see why so many blogs aren’t that exciting. All the exciting stuff we want to write about is the exact material that we just can’t write about. And that is why you see so many blogs where people write about lame stuff like “that cute thing my puppy did today.” You know why people write about puppies? Because puppies can’t read! Hey! that gives me an idea. You know who else can’t read? Illiterates! Maybe I’ll write about them. It’s like giving Stevie Wonder the bird - they’ll never know!