Pepe’ Le Mmmmmm!
I hate the smell of hazelnut. Just the smell of it makes me violent. If you ever want someone dead, point to the person you want me to kill and then hold a canister of that awful aroma under my nose and send me over to do your dirty work. I hate it that much.
Yesterday, I was cleaning all of the extra food out of the cabinets that one of my old roommates had left behind. I opened up a canister of what I thought was just coffee grounds to smell if it was still fresh. Is it really possible to detect the freshness of coffee-mix with a sniff? It might be a pseudo-science, but I still swear I can do it.
Regardless, I instantly realized I was absorbing that vile smell of hazelnut into my nose. My reaction was so impulsive that I did something I almost never do. I walked out to my front porch and dumped the contents of the canister over the rail and into a bush. That was a dumb idea.
For the last 24 hours, anytime I’ve walked up or down my porch, I’ve had to smell that demon-aroma again and again. (You don’t realize how much you go in and out your front door until there’s hazelnut waiting to ruin your day.)
So about five minutes ago, I went outside to maybe or maybe not smoke a cigarette. (Sadly, you’d be safer these days to admitting to being a communist spy than to occasionally inhaling your state’s biggest export.) As I was walking out the door, I had finally remembered to brace myself for that stinky stink of hazelnut that was waiting to attack me. Boy, was I wrong!
Not only did my front porch not smell bad - it actually smelled good! I didn’t notice what it was at first, I just knew I liked it. Then I realized what it was: a skunk had sprayed somewhere in my front yard and covered over the hazelnut! Oh, did I mention that I’m one of the supposed 7 percent of people who likes the smell that skunks emit? Judge me all you want. I don’t care. I like what I like. Maybe all you people are crazy for liking the smell of hazelnut? You didn’t think about that did you?
Maybe I am backwards or maybe I’m not. But I do know one of two things: I’m either blessed or lucky. Because when your life gives you lemons, you people make lemonade. But when I was given hazelnut, life gave me skunk! And that’s way better than lemonade.